the small joys of relationships.

"Baby, you sleep?"

(Silence)

"...you're supposed to hold the pillow like that when I'm not around. I'm right here."

"Mmh. Hm."

LMAO! This resonates with me so much. But'cept you'd have to reverse the roles, word to Kelz. Yes, I just used "but'cept" in a sentence.

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What I Don't Miss About Twitter

A couple of weeks ago I decided to stop tweeting cold turkey.

I can’t quite put my finger on it but Twittuh just isn’t the same anymore. Yes, it is still enjoyable but in the words of Jay-Z, “It’s just different,” (á la the light-skinned surrogate Aunt Viv tomfoolery they tried to pull on The Fresh Prince—a quintessential example of enjoyably different).


And as different (read: stressfuuuuuuh) as Twittuh has become, I was oddly, ironically, doubly stressed about life without it. Masochism at its best, lemme tell you. Anywho, once I conquered the bouts of “omg-I’m-so-out-of-the-loop-and-missing-everything," life without Twitter became better bearable.

There are quite a few things that I do not miss about Twittuh, and I will cover them in a series of (much shorter) posts over the coming days. Atop the list of things I can live without, doe? RELATIONSHIP DISCUSSIONS.

I do not miss reading tons of idealistic, overly romanticized thoughts on dating and relationships. It’s quite obvious that, embedded in all of the seemingly useful opinions and unsolicited advice, many folk on Twitter just wanna gaze into the eyes of that someone special…and bust a nut from their own reflection, g. Relationships are clearly viewed as a vehicle for personal and professional fulfillment and self-actualization. Look at how good s/he makes me look. Look at how s/he enables me to maximize my full potential without having to make sacrifices or change anything about myself. My needs. My standards. My goals. My desires.

I used to think people were joking but even running jokes eventually subside (See: “git ‘er done,” “scrape your neck”) and yet everyday a new relationship debate is bound to happen on Twitter so…

Nah.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m assuming the position of relationship “expert” myself by writing this post. I ain’t nobody’s expert. I have, however, been around the block a few times and I know enough to be able to discern reality from…whatever it is folk be talmbout on Twitter.

I also know that, as long as I’m not logged on, there is a super slim chance that I’ll be subjected to debates over $200 dates, accusations of golddigging from niggas without any assets, cries of anti-settling from women who have confused this with having realistic expectations, the approval and disapproval of eating butt, skin tone preferences, etc. And for that reason alone, I'm OK without Twitter. For now. Before I go, doe, I leave you with this...

“Our culture makes individual freedom, autonomy, and fulfillment the very highest values, and thoughtful people know deep down that any love relationship at all means the loss of all three...a relationship based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you.” – Timothy Keller

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Coming From Where I'm From

On the heels of the popular musician, Frank Ocean, sharing a letter opening up about his sexuality, the Twittersphere has been poppin' with commentary. Some in support. Some not. And naturally, seeing as though much of the homophobic tension seems to stem from the church, "religion" has been under scrutiny. So, here's my 2 cents on that...not necessarily about Frank's admission in particular...but everything...

Many Black Christians grow up in very Christ-centered, churchgoing families, from the very beginning. Many of you got saved and knew you were going to heaven around 10? 11? That's remarkable. Not to diminish or belittle anyone's conversion experience, but that is the best/easiest/painless way to Christ(ianity) possible. (Granted, assuming that Christianity is true and/or that, once intellectually capable, you examine objections to your faith and discover whether or not what you were taught is True.) Ultimately, the point I'm trying to make is that many (southern, Bible-belt) Black Christians are fortunate enough to never be on the OUTSIDE (of the church an the faith) looking in.

I, on the other hand, did not grow up "in church every Sunday". I've been on the outside looking in with gross skepticism and on the receiving end of alienation. I've heard people make spectacle/fun of those (people like me) who didn't know how to 'act' in church (when to stand, sit, bow head, etc.), people who couldn't quote scripture or sing songs from memory (as if that is a sign of superior spirituality). I've seen Christians call the church "a hospital for sinners" yet judge people (visitors and newcomers) for their attire (as if sinners should appear saved from a earthly, human standard before they even get saved from a Godly, spiritual standard) and I've sat in a pew, as someone who was fresh in my faith, and heard a sermon preached on how "come as you are" is false because "God once damned someone to hell for their appearance". I've visited churches, as someone who believed in "God" but had not yet given my life to Christ, and seen $10, $20, $100 tithing lines where it appeared as though God's love or our salvation could be earned by what we did/gave. I've seen people cry at the pulpit, speak in tongues, and run up and down the aisles, yet regress back to their old ways the minute they exit the church doors, as if everything they'd done prior was for show. Yo, I stood scared and confused at a church-ran basketball tournament and had a woman tell us, a group of ~9-14 year olds that "if you don't give your life to Christ, you're going to Hell" without ANY prior mention of His unmerited, unlimited LOVE, GRACE, and MERCY.

It wasn't until I got into high school that I started to go to church again with my best friend and his family and gave my life to Christ because, despite all the negative images of religion and Christianity I had experienced, I still somehow felt a PERSONAL, UNPRESSURED, spiritual voice in my head asking me to open myself up to something that would change my life. By the grace of God, I submitted to it--NOT my WILL, because I had little to NO reasons to become a Christian after all I had seen from church people (save for the few positive examples of people I was really close to). And, it wasn't until I got to college and went (with my older sister) to a church spilling over with grace, where nothing was added to or taken from the Bible, that I began to really learn about Christ--who He was, what is sin, what merits salvation, what my purpose in life is, etc..

Just from my personal experience, I think it's hard for Christians who NEVER grew up on the outside looking in to understand why people have so many doubts and reservations about religion and spirituality as a whole. Christians don't have to compromise "one jot or one tittle" of the Bible or allow the world system to penetrate and skew the gospel, but y'all, WE, owe it to people to empathize and not act like the church is without flaw and not act like we don't have THE BEST POSSIBLE EXAMPLE of LOVE and sacrifice (Christ dying for us) despite our selfish, blind ways. We ought not act like such a RADICAL thing such as faith, should be easy to submit to and EASY to understand for people who come from many different, some unimaginable backgrounds. And above all, we should not act like whether we've been in church all our lives or never a day in our lives, that we're not ALL, EQUALLY in desperate need of God's grace and mercy. He loves us all the same regardless of where we are in our lives. We owe it to people to SHOW them we love them, first.

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The Prelude to Valentine's Day

For the past several months, I've been reading this book called The Reason For God: Belief in the Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller. I could have easily finished it in one sitting; however, have you ever dove into a book that was SO good, so life-changing, that you never wanted it to end? (I'm talmbout--read a 1/3 of it and start all over--sketch in the margins--take a week off just to reflect on it--type of good.) Hopefully this has happened to you at least once, because it's a dope experience, g.

Well this past Friday, I was in Panera inhaling a Cuban Chicken sammich (which I highly recommend) and I read a quote in Keller's book on the topic of love. I thought it'd be appropriate to share this as Valentine's Day approaches.

"Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation...To love at all is to be vulnerable. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour." _C.S. Lewis

Some people are anti-love and anti-Valentine's Day, subsequently. But the fact of the matter is, avoiding love will often times result in a worse emotional state (if you are to be honest with yourself). Love is a risk worth taking! Use Valentine's Day and the days that follow to love without counting the price. Love those who are unlovable. Love under all circumstance. Allow yourself to BE loved. And never settle for any lesser way of love from yourself.

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29 Days of Black History, Day 6

I alllllready know what you're thinkin', and no, this couple did not invent swagger! However, in 2008, 105-year old Herbert Fisher, and 103-year-old Zelmyra Fisher held the world record for length of marriage for two living persons. These North Carolina natives got hitched on May 13, 1924 and had been married for 86 years, g! Unfortunately, Mr. Fisher passed away in February of last year. Some people don'eem live to be 86, much less be married that long. Kudos to these two and RIP Mr. Fisher.

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Pot Callin' the Kettle Cheap

In the days of fairy-tales and rom coms, it seems as though traditional dating expectations, such as men footing the bill, aren't going anywhere anytime soon. But what happens when a man is unable (or doesn't feel obligated) to abide by this old-school etiquette? Should he simply stop approaching women until he can afford to pay for dates or should he try his luck in hopes of finding a woman who doesn't mind going dutch, or worse, treating him?

For many women, it's a deal-breaker if a man tries to play a friendly game of Who's Gonna Grab The Checkbook First on a date. I can't say I blame 'em. However, a line has to be drawn retnah between expressing your preferences and alienating everyone and everything that doesn't meet your standards. I'll never understand why some women feel comfortable calling men "cheap" or "broke" if he is unable (or unwilling) to do what she expects.  Reason being, isn't it a common dating objective among women to get as much free stuff as possible?

"My birthday is coming up, I want..."

"Valentine's day is coming up, I want..."

"Tuesday is coming up, I want..."

So if the average woman's M.O. is to be wined and dined on someone else's dime, how appropriate is it to call men broke? Broke relative to whom? Other men, I'm assuming? Cause it's obviously not compared to the amount of money she's planning to spend. Now ain't that the pot callin' the kettle cheap....

And don't get me wrong. Some men fully expect (and some are successful) to gain access to the box after a 2 for 20 at Chili's, and they ought to be 'shamed. But in the same token, some women expect full access to a man's wallet off the rip, just for being a woman cause we know half y'all don't cook and cater to anymore, and definitely ain't tryna fix no plates. What part of the game is that? I'm just rappin', doe....

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#MonogamyOvaEverythang: The Lebron James Edition

 

So apparently Lebron put on his plaid, "Big Boy" pants (I personally prefer the selvage denim ones - sold exclusively at Gap) last night and proposed to his long-time girlfriend, Savannah Brinson. DOPE! It has been met with cries of "took him long enough" but I don't think marriage is something that you should rush into...at all. But that's just me, doe. 

Anywho, I  hope a prenupt was attached to the ring to protect his investments wish them all the best and that he is able to stay focused enough to bring that championship home this year because he, no, we need it. 

via JenniferBrix

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#OccupyLA...with LOVE.

Alfafa's a cappella is probably one of the most historical displays of affection ever, second only to Romeo posting up outside of Juliet's window to tell her how swagged out he thought she was...or something like that.

Over the years, people have adopted many methods to show their sincere appreciation for that special someone--everything from decorating cakes with special messages to filming an actual preview to be shown at the movie theatre. Well, all that stuff is cool and contemporary, but sometimes you just gotta take it back, real old-school like. The gentleman below, a protestor in the the OccupyLA movement, is a perfect example of that. Even in the midst of mass protests, there's still room for a little romance. Check it out:   

The Man's Guide To Love #603 from themansguidetolove on Vimeo.

Peace!

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The Generation of Runners.

♪
Right now, this is my favorite track off 9th Wonder's new album, The Wonder Years. That dern saxophone is on a whole 'nother level of sexy. Anwho, the track is called "Never Stop Loving You" (ft. Martin & Talib Kweli) which is a nice little segue into what this post is really about...

Last night, I read a PERFECTLY WRITTEN blog post on Black Girls Are Easy ("perfectly written" aka "I wish I would have written it first"). The post was called "Think Before You Break Up". Here's an excerpt:

"There is no such thing as an argument free relationship, where there's smoke there's fire and where there's love there will be pain. If you’re the type of person who can’t be bothered with being called out on their sh*t or hate putting up with other people’s flaws then you need to buy a f*cking cat and lock yourself away from society because you will never find true love."

Divorce rates are at an all-time high. Relationships ain't lasting longer than a season. And people would rather...forget it, just read the entire thing here and spread. the. word. Peace!

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Research (Or Whatever) Shows "Only 3 'Good' Black Men for Every 100 Black Women"

 

Recently, a new "study" surfaced on the Interwebs called Only 3 “Good” Black Men For Every 100 Black Women. Praises be to God, I don't know what I would have done if one more day had passed without a reminder of my stance in society, b...

The study found that, based on an arbitrary set of criteria ranging from salary to good looks, only 3% of black men prove to be viable options for black women. Awesome! I'm certain that, although eerily similar to those written before it (See: 8 Reasons to Date White Men; Is Marriage for White People), this will be the article that will make niggas continue to exclusively date white women that are 6's at best but cook, clean, buy them gifts, and roll their weed up with a smile incite a movement among black men to stand up, turn from their wayward ways and raise their sons to be the future leaders of tomorrow. I mean, that's the point of these things, right? To inspire us to do better?

Anwho, the "common criteria that single black women are looking for in a black man" were as follows:

1. I want a black man.
2. I want a man who doesn't like other men.
3. I want a man who is interested in me, a black woman.
4. I want a man who has not been to jail.
5. I want a man who has a high school diploma.
6. I want a man who has a job.
7. I want a man who makes at least $30,000 a year
8. I want a man who looks good and is in shape.
9. I want a man who doesn't already have kids with another woman.

So based on this list, they came to the conclusion that there are only 3 good, black men for every 100 black women. Now it wasn't explicitly stated in the article but I'm assuming that, by default, every black woman deserves access to the private stock...that good stuff kept in the back room. This is news to me, as I was unaware of the fact that your sex and race alone entitles you to so much.

But let's imagine, for the sake of argument, that we lived in a world where....for some CRAZY reason...what you deserved in a significant other was based on what you brought to the table. What exactly qualifies you as being a compatible match with a good black man? Just take a look at some of the things men value in a significant other (in no particular order):

1. How well do you cook?*
2. How knowledgeable are you about sports/music? 
3. Do you have heavy baggage that will undoubtedly spill over into your next relationship?**
4. Do you understand the importance of occasional silence and space? 
5. Do you gossip with your friends about the ins and outs of your relationship? 
6. Do you value your health/appearance?
7. What dat mouf do? *
8. Did you have a good relationship with your father growing up?
9. If them boys in blue brought down the hammer, will you take the charge for a nigga?

*Includes willingness as well as skill

**Trust issues (snooping/clinginess), bitterness

This seems kinda silly when the tables are turned, right? People need to chill with these Build-a-Bear dreams, out here with a laundry list of romantic essentials that include, of all things, RACE and SALARY?! My advice? Look for someone who “will love you for the person you are, flaws and neuroses included, rather than for some bullshit good-on-paper reason like looks or credentials” (source). Explore your options with other races instead of waiting for your Black King even though the divorce rate is high across ALL races, so clearly it isn’t just us. Do WHATEVER has to be done to prevent the constant finger-pointing at black men for the lack of love in your life.

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Guest Blog: "Yea, Niggaz Aint Sh*t…but that’s just how you like’em!"

They say everything is good in moderation. Evidently that rule also applies to gentlemen-like behavior. It’s cool to be nice, but being too nice’ll have you wading waist-deep in them frigid Friend Zone waters, b.

We’ve all heard the phrase “nice guys finish last”. It got son's of preachers in the club tryin’ to pour Crown Royal down shawties throats simply to see if women really do like bad guys.

Well, my homie Fred seems to have his own theory as to why there’s No Country For Nice Guys and why women seem to prefer men who, well, “ain’t sh*t”. Hit the “read more” link for the scoop yahm’talmbout?!

"Yea, Niggaz Aint Sh*t…but that’s just how you like’em!" 

This is a post about how, admittedly, most men are no good. But surprisingly, women have become accustomed to it and now prefer the Aint Sh*t Nigga (or ASN).

For a long time, top quality women have been getting pulled by these niggaz that are going nowhere in life. Men who ask for their money, treat them poorly, cheat on them, so on and so forth. So, it has occurred to me that one of two things are happening: women actually don’t realize the repeated error they are making OR women are overlooking the men in their life that would be worthy counterparts and opting for ASN’s.

I’ll spare you the whole spill of societal views, stereotypes perpetuated through music movies, etc. and bring it a little closer to home. The tendencies of ASN’s are more prevalent and often celebrated. For example, when a women pulls a man she almost expects to have to “fix” him. And I don’t mean groom him to be accustomed to what she likes and does not like but literally find some flaw of his and fix it up for the better. This type of approach would not work with a good man.

ASN’s are often times broke…real men have jobs AND budgets:
This difference will have you trying to tell your man how to use/spend his money. Since you are used to having most of the money or loaning Junebug some money, when you have to subject yourself to the real man’s budget you are often upset.

ASN’s mistreat women by cheating or making dumb mistakes…real mean value their women and keep the peace:
The past ASN your have dated use arguments as a past-time. Arguing about who is going to cut the grass, how much money he can spend this weekend, and even how long he can borrow your car. Thus in your dealings with real men you look for arguments, you expect him to be cheating or up to something when he honestly states that he is out with his friends, and suspect that he is up to something when he is “being overly nice” and helps you with your household stuff or anything else you have to do (work, recreational activities, etc).

ASN’s resist jobs, honesty, and good decisions…real men don’t:
Truth be told ASN’s are some of my homeboys, and as Dub has mentioned round these parts on a few occasions they should be easy for hoes women to spot. And while I could see how this post could be misinterpreted as something about how women are only about money and good men provide it for them, and thus you are prolly the people perpetuating the stereotypes and such. Truth is to be a real man you need to be bring something to the table other than “hard D and bubblegum”. To put it plain and simple, ASN’s take advantage of women, while good men honor them and appreciate the benefits of their union.

Disclaimer:  

Although these are frowned upon on this blog I feel the need to clarify ‘fore niggaz self-esteem falls apart: There are some “real men in training” so to say that may be depending on their woman right now but have a good plan in the works but still treats his woman right. The main separation between ASN and real men is how much you value your women and take care her emotionally financially (if necessary) and assist in making her happy and life better instead of stressing her out and draining her of her essence niggaz! Now feel free to play some’n like Maxwell “A Woman’s Worth” or R.Kelly “When a woman Loves”

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Men x Love

Men don't talk about love. 

For real.

Find a group of men and eavesdrop on their conversation...or better yet...browse the timeline of your male followers on Twitter. The topic of love just ain't there, b. Our conversations generally consist of one of the following three things:
1) Sports
2) Music
3) "Dem Hos"
Over time, our society has assigned certain characteristics to masculinity, and sharing emotions (especially about love), just ain't make the cut.

But alas, this dope website (which I mentioned in a previous post) The Man's Guide to Love taps into that discourse and allows men to give advice to other men regarding love and relationships. I spend so much time geekin' and actually learning stuff on this website that I had to share it with you all again. I was even asked to be featured on it! But anyway, peep a few of the more comical tidbits of advice and be sure to check it out yourself!
 
The Man's Guide To Love #243 from themansguidetolove on Vimeo.

The Man's Guide To Love #222 from themansguidetolove on Vimeo.


Peace (and love)!

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Happy 5th Anniversary, Kellie!

 

+

 

+

5 Years
= 

Running back to Lewis in order to beat curfew, staying up on the phone trying to see who would be the first to hang up, our West Coast vacation, our Vivace experience, countless movie dates, NUMEROUS concert goings, late night walks through the arboretum to Franklin, our Atlanta road trip, long summers with the Bridgees, Franky's, intense car singing duets (my personal fav: Jordan Sparks ft. Chris Brown "No Air"), cookouts/culdesac get-togethers, Kenan parlor lounging/hiding from Hailey, sushi dates, Redbox raids, snow day frolicking, support through family losses and hard times, splitting DOZENS UPON DOZENS of Bskis cookies, thumb wars, devotion, Phase 10/Kemps/Spades/Rummy, graduating from UNC, planning our future together + many other memories! 

I've heard people say that you miss out on the "college experience" by being in a relationship, but I beg to differ on the basis of my own personal experience. Considering the GREAT times that we've had and all that you add to my life, I can't imagine how these past 5 years could have been any better. Also, I have matured a LOT via our bad times, so while they weren't pleasurable in the moment, I'm appreciative of them. I'm happy that we have made it this far relatively unscathed and if we keep God at the center of our lives, there's no way we can lose. I love you! Happy Anniversary!

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Fix my plate for me, please.

What men are actually asking for.

What women picture in their minds.

So, I prefer my lady to fix my plate.

Yes, my limbs work fine. No, I am not lazy. Yes, I am grown and fully capable of taking care of  myself. And no, I do not think it is a woman's duty to wait on her man hand and foot.

Simply put, there is no greater feeling than chillin' in a La-Z-Boy recliner and having dinner served to me, ESPECIALLY while the game is on. It is the quintessential King of the Household experience for men and peep this...It's FREE.99!

Are men really asking too much? Is it the 10 extra calories expended fixing your man's plate after fixing your own? Is it the extra minute spent fixing two servings of ham instead of one? Can't be.

So exactly what is it other than your pride? Why does a simple gesture have to turn into a discussion about gender-based inequalities? When men prefer women to do anything that falls under the "Housewife" umbrella, it is seen as degrading. Sexist even. The contemporary woman thinks men should not expect them to do the same things old-fashioned women took pride in doing because times have changed.

Which, to a degree, is cool....cool until those same women start expecting chivalrous things from men simply because they are women. What part of the game is that?

Carry your heavy stuff? You're capable, just make two trips. Kill bugs for you? You're bigger than that bug is, handle that. Open the door? Not if you got to it first. Give up my seat? My legs get tired, too. Pay on the first date? We BOTH don't want to go home alone tonight, so I don't think it's fair for me to be the only one shelling out coins. 

Women prefer expect men to do numerous things. So to say that we are being unreasonable with this very small request is a double standard of the highest degree. What say you my good people? Is it unreasonable for men to want women to fix their plates?

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"I'm a Michelle looking for a Barack" Pt. 2

So, I saw this post over at Big Thoughts From Big Vince basically talking about women and their expectations. Naturally, I could not resist the urge to chime in, with this unneccessary burden that I've placed upon on myself....

Trey, Defender of All Righteous Men or some ish.

But anywho, the line that struck me most was actually the title, "I'm a Michelle looking for a Barack". And I got to thinking about the unrealistic expectations some women have in regard to their significant others, specifically women have been hurt in a previous relationship. The Adele-types. The Keyshia Colezesses and such.

In my eyes, some women think that being mistreated by a man somehow ups their stock. Now, all of a sudden, these women are in liberty to make generalized statements about millions of men (typically black men). In addition, the next guy that comes along in their lives has to be near-perfect or "Barack Obama-esque", as Vince pointed out.

That perception is totally skewed, however, because NEWSFLASH: A failed relationship does not turn you into God's gift to Earth. You are the same woman you were BEFORE that failed relationship. If anything, your stock has dropped because there's now all this extra baggage that you expect some new stranger to help you unpack.

Be clear, while I do NOT condone mistreatment of women in any way, I do think there this trend of finger pointing and name-calling that removes all personal accountability on the part of women who choose to involve themselves with "ain't sh*t niggas", romantically or otherwise. There has to be signs. It doesn't take me 10 seconds to recognize that a McDonalds employee is having a bad day and prolly spit in my drink...so I KNOW yall are ignoring obvious signs. I refuse to believe that life is a cartoon and these men are Master's of Disguise. It's just not plausible.


*walks away mumbling...

"Barack Obama" doe, my niggas?*

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What is Love? A Man's Perspective.

 Finn, 7

“Marry someone who is nice. 
It doesn’t matter if she’s pretty.”

For a few days now, I have been working on a post entitled "What is Love?" But I've been having such a difficult time trying to articulate how I feel that I almost wanted to throw my hands up and say, "Love is indescribable". That was until my role model, Naite, posted this website called The Man's Guide to Love: Real Advice. Man to Man. 7 Days a Week. It's a collection of videos from men all over the country who have given little tidbits of advice pertaining to love. It gave me just the inspiration I needed to finish this post.

After watching a bagillion of their responses (no exaggeration), I took my favorite ones and put them together in an effort to capture the main aspects of what love is to me. Hit the "read more" link below for the scoop!



Love is being yourself! It's letting your guard down and allowing someone to see who you really are, no damage control, "flaws and all" like Beyonce said. It's being completely honest and truthful and living with the consequences of that, rather than putting up a front to satisfy someone. This way you know that someone loves you for YOU.



Love is an action, not just a feeling! It's a conscious decision that you make. The Greek language has four words for love, the most powerful being "Agape" or "God love" which means "sacrificial love, not based on whether someone deserves it".  It's a decision to love someone as you love yourself, and placing their needs and concerns above your own. It's willfully "forgiving and forgetting", despite the world saying "forgive but don't forget", because although you can't physically erase things from your memory, you can reach a point where you choose not to hold one's mistakes against them. As the man in the video puts it, it's deciding to "stay the course".



Love is hard! It's never taking a good thing for granted.  The man in this video says it best, "if it's easy, it is not love...ultimately when you have a relationship that you have fought for, it is worth more than any fling". I can vouch for that. Having been in a relationship for 4 1/2 years, my girlfriend and I hit a patch where the bottom completely fell out. Now when I look back, I'm completely embarrassed that I allowed things to get that bad. But I'm also appreciative, because I grew and learned a lot from it. Also, make sure you're honest with yourself. Don't fool yourself into believing in something that brings more strife than happiness. The good times should far outweigh the bad.



Love is fun! It's letting loose and just enjoying someone's company regardless of what anyone else thinks or how corny it may seem.  For example, I don't particularly think the guy in the video can sing, and I prefer never to hear it again, but that girl is smitten and they clearly have a connection. It's reaching that point where you can literally do NOTHING all day and still have the best time in the world with someone.



Love is natural! My girlfriend says, "you know you love someone when you don't have to ask yourself anymore". I think that's what this video captures. It should feel effortless and genuine. You won't have to convince yourself of anything. You'll just know.

It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, what your background is, I think that everyone wants to be loved. Our definitions of love may differ, as indicated by these various responses, but that basic desire is something that we all have in common! Love gets a bad rap, but it can add a lot to your life, instead of bind you and limit you from doing this and doing that. Love is fulfilling....

♪

...so like Dom Kennedy says, "when you see love, just go get it fam!"

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IF YOU'RE SINGLE, JUST BE SINGLE THEN...

There are a few things that I wish people weren't SO PRESSED to share with others. Like, in all my years of existence, I've never quite understood how someone could think that we would ever be close enough for them to share the details of how they just "blew that bathroom up"...and then they have the audacity to justify it with "we all do it", like they insist on me getting a visual of their doo-doo experience. Nah, g. Another thing that I could most certainly do without is people who brag about being single. Why is this annoying you ask? Because I don't believe you!

People out here putting up this free-spirited bachelor(ette) front everyday, b. They go above and beyond the call of duty to make it known how much "fun it is to be single" and how they are "glad they don't have to answer to anyone else".  They tweet things like: ❒Single ❒Taken ✔Doing Me. They twitpic images of themselves doing single stuff like making it rain at club Sugar Bears. And they treat "love" like a curse word, only to be spoken of in hush-whispers.

But see, you folk have a hard time concealing your losses. The same people who want a cookie for being single, are the same one's steady complaining about the lack of good suitors to settle down with. That's like a vegetarian complaining about the lack of cold cut options at the deli. If you ain't 'bout that life, and you're content with where you're at, then why waste time even discussing other matters? Why not talk about single stuff instead, like how fun no-strings attached encounters are?

And somewhere in between the strip club and all that good "me time" y'all got, you single individuals manage to consume my Twitter timeline every day with lonely tweets such as, "I wish I had someone to cuddle with tonight" or "It would be nice to watch Grey's Anatomy with #oomf *hint hint*".

GTFOH, g! Alll THE way the F outta here =====>

To add insult to injury, y'all have a tendency to ACT like you're in a relationship, just without the title.  I don't get it. Y'all stay discussing how this person should call you more, or how that person should spend more time with you. Newsflash: You aren't entitled to put stipulations on someone else without a title. One of the main benefits of NOT being in a relationship is not having to surrender anything unless you choose to. There is absolutely no pressure to do what "you're supposed to" (i.e., calling someone often, exchanging gifts on holidays, etc.) So stop giving others the strong arm and act like the single person that you are.

It wasn't until I joined Team RelationshipsHEALTHY Relationships that I noticed how pressed people were to make the single life seem like the golden ticket. But then it becomes obvious that most of you are either: a) flat out fronting about the amount of fun you're having or b) looking for someone, but not really looking, so you won't appear desperate. Either way, simmer down. I'm not saying relationships > single. I AM saying that bragging/fronting < everything. Nobody cares, g. If you're gonna be single, just BE single.

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V-LOG: What Chris Brown Taught Me About Women

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The Successful Black Woman and Black Courtship

Recently I have been reading a series of blog entries that started off about the The Plight of the Successful Black Woman and grew into a discussion about black dating and chivalry. It started here, and here is response #1, response # 2, and response # 3. I couldn't resist adding my $0.02, so here I am. Let me start by saying that this is a very simplistic approach to a very abstruse topic. By no means is it comprehensive, so please keep that in mind when you are reading.

Men are accused of the sole demise of black courtship and chivalrous love. I beg to differ on the grounds that women, much like men, want to have their cakes and eat them, too.

The emergence of the “successful, independent black woman” coupled with the collapse of traditional gender roles, has played its part in the demise of black courtship. Black women are more career-oriented than ever. They are earning more, and becoming better educated than most of their male counterparts.

These changing dynamics aren’t a problem though. It’s fine that women are leveling the playing field, assuring that they can stand alone financially. You’re an independent woman? Cool. However, the problem is that...these women have not figured out how to strike a balance between their evolving roles and the dating scene. Aside from the fact that most women nowadays have chosen their careers over romance and just do not have the time to fully commit to dating, there are those who do have the time but are not able to express their expectations of men in a way that seems RATIONAL to us. By this I mean…

These women are crying out that they want that old thing back. Yet they want to pick and choose which parts of traditional courtship they want to hold-fast to and which parts they want to do away with. For example, successful black women have yet to break the social custom of men footing the bill during the courting stages. Despite the fact that women are making more money than they ever have, and in some cases, more than the men they are dating. The financial burden of traditional courtship is…and will always be on the man. Women want to have their cake and eat it, too, weaving in and out of traditional and contemporary expectations of what the dating scene should be nowadays. All the while, the new role of the successful black woman renders no resemblance to traditionalism.
 
So while women's ideas on men continue to oscillate between staunch feminist ideals such as “don’t stand up on the bus for me, I am fully capable” to old traditional views such as “you should pay for everything"…men are left in limbo trying to figure out what responsibilities to assume. Do away with the misconceptions that men are intimidated by female success; we are more so confused by their inability to clearly express what their expectations are. Both in way that seems fair, and rational.

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Why I Refuse To Date Black Men, by Lisa Carter

Read the article here. Last year, 10 reasons to date white men [instead of black men] was buzzin' in the streets. Nice to see we're starting off 2011 on the same line of ignorance.

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