RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR THE SINGLES

No one is dumb in our book.

So my girlfriend approached me about writing a relationship advice book discussing the good and the bad since we're approaching 5 years together. Funny thing, I think she was serious about it.

Now I know one of you are reading this with your face all scrunched up, mad like who do y'all think y'all are trying to write a relationship book which is the perfect segue (pronounced seg-way *points and laughs*) into my first piece of advice:

Unlame yo'self !!

So. Now that we've taken care of the trivialities, I do want to discuss a relationship topic of particular importance to me. It's something that came to my mind during last night's episode of World of Jenks (not that this show is of relevance to the topic, but you should watch if you don't) . It is the fact that single people want to enjoy the amenities of a relationship without actually being in a relationship. Preposterous. That's like going to a continental breakfast at a hotel that you aren't even staying in. OK Scratch that comparison, that actually sounded like a good idea. It's more like going to the Apple store and asking them to fix your Hewlett Packard. The commitment just ain't there!

Anywho, for those of you who are still reading, here is my advice to you. Don't get the "talking" phase mixed up with a committed relationship. Until a monogamous commitment has been VOCALLY EXPRESSED between two parties (i.e., "will you be my boo thang?") neither person involved should do any of the following:

1. Sweating someone of interest when they don't call/text you as often as you would like. That ain't your place! And chances are, if you aren't being hit up as frequently as you'd like, it's probably cause they just aren't that into you or they're checking for someone else.
   
2. Stop harassing people that you like for showing interest in multiple people at once. That's what single people do, they shop around until they are ready to buy. No one is obligated to cut off all potential suitors on the account of you.
   
3. This is an extension of point 2: Don't be territorial. Per example, you in the club. The dude you're talking to is there, as well. He dances more with your friend Shelly cause she got back like Nicki Minaj and you got a pancake butt. Now you mad? That's not yo' place.
4. Never! And I do mean, NEVER assume that you are in someone's wallet before you start dating them. Keep cash on you or expect to whip your card back and forth at all times. Friends go dutch. Chip in for gas. Go half on a spliff, 4Loko's or whatever your vice is nowadays.

That's all for now. Embrace me.