ReBlogged: 10 Reasons Why Y'all Can Have the Club Scene

Sep 22, 2012

An old post from about a year ago, yet still relevant: 

People always ask me why I don't really mess with the club on the same level as most people my age. Stop asking, here are the Top 10 Reasons. Que my music, mistro:

1. After a certain age, it's just not OK for grown men to participate in dance crazes, i.e. "The Stanky Leg" and "The Dougie". And in the club that's all you see, groups of grown men huddled up beside one another shucking and jiving together. Now I don't know what hood y'all from, but that ish don't fly in the 'Burbs. Besides, I don't dance no more all I do is this:

2. Nowadays people have no concept of personal space, at all! And I don't do well with folk in my bubble while in the grocery store, much less a 40x40 box where there is no way to escape the heat....the stank....and the sweat. And somebody had the AUDACITY to tell me the other day that sweat was a natural aphrodisiac. *blank stare*

3. You see the same people over and over again. No matter the promotional squad throwing the party. No matter the venue. No matter if it's an 80's party, ladies free before 11 or if it's a Jersey Shore party, everybody free with a student ID. The same group of grown niggas gon' be in there huddled up closely, shucking and jiving and the saaaame group of girls gon' walk out the club with their heels in hand, feet lookin' like this:

4.There's always a group of girls who came to the club for the sole purpose of being antisocial. Dressed to KILL. H-h-hair done, nails done, everything did. But they didn't pay extra to guarantee themselves solidarity in the VIP section. Noooo. Where do these pseudo-bougie ladies post up? Smack dab in the middle of the dance floor. But don't ask them to dance, 'cause they ain't here for that. They're apparently havin' a book club meeting.

5. There's always a group of dudes who came to the club for the sole purpose of fighting. They don't talk. They don't dance. They don't do virtually anything. That is until this song comes on... all of a sudden they jumpin' all over the place punchin' people in the back of the neck! Niggas!

6. There's always that girl in the club who has to take it 12 notches TOO FAR. Commonly known as "The Baby Girl". 20 minutes into the Go Go set, shawty done came out all her clothes and coincidentally, people keep catching an aroma that resembles Captain D's. To each his own though! Make that paper don't let that paper make you!!

7. Then there's "those guys". The group of dudes that are too cool for school. You can't miss them because they're glowing like Rick James. These niggas have on the typical uniform of slacks, bow-ties, and the occasional blazer. They look like a debate team, but you don't want to test these goons because God forbid anything get in the way of them "winning". Some of 'em got money, but some are just tag-alongs. And you can bet at least one will have a bottle of something-or-another in his hand, acting like he bought the whole bar out. But at the end of the day, it's just one bottle. One $60 bottle of something-or-another.

8. Did I mention bodily fluids? Sweat, vomit, pee, etc. Yeeeeeah...about that.

9. When the club let out, you got people that try to milk a good moment for everything it's worth. Maybe the club was jumpin'. The music was right all night. Everybody was dancing. But eventually, all good things must come to an end. Some people don't get that. The lingerers who follow girls all the way to their car? Yeah. Shoutout to you creepers.

10. The club is relationship suicide. Men act like they're OK with some pooputt dry-humping their queen on the dance floor, but not 'round'ese parts, turbo. And seeing as though one of the cardinal rules of the club is NO HANDCUFFING, there is no reason for me to be there.

The End.


feedmekicks said...

PREACH! I don't participate in club activities either. I just can't get down with it. People are too ignorant to the fact of how you should act in public.

Supastarrr said...

#3 & #5 FTW!
I've almost completely given up on the club. almost.

Gia said...

lmao i love it

e. said...

PREACH ! I'm so weak at number five though! lol .

Adina Renée. said...

LMFAO @ this whole post.

Don't watch me, w-w-watch my feet....