Dec 21, 2009


I spend a lot of time defending the male species because every time I turn around I hear females rejoicing in the fact myth that men “aren’t sh*t”. Don't get it misconstrued because I’m not being naïve. I recognize that a lot of guys are out for self and I personally know my fair share of women who have been subjected to nonsense at the hands of some bum dudes. HOWEVER, I also know my fair share of God-fearing, loyal, goal-oriented males. And I just want to know--Why does there seem to be an ongoing battle between men and women?

Women aren't to fault, men are just as guilty. I just don’t understand why we don’t strive to be on one accord. Coming from someone who has been in a long-term relationship before, I know for a fact that opposite-sex relationships can enhance your quality of life a LOT. The back and forth “niggas ain’t sh*t” and “hos ain’t neither” is just a self-fulfilling prophecy in my opinion, and doesn’t benefit anyone in anyway. It may provide temporary satisfaction or comfort, but doesn't accomplish anything in the long run. I can't be alone when I say that having someone to confide in is a lot better than complaining about why the opposite sex is inadequate.


Men and women constantly arguing over who is better is getting old to me and as corny as it sounds, I don’t see why we can’t just get along. Or at the very least, handle things on a more contextual basis....maybe YOUR man, or YOUR woman ain't hittin' on nothinn' but that doesn't reflect everyone! Maybe I’m lookin’ at this situation with rose-colored glasses...y'all tell me.

Is it really men vs. women? More importantly, How often do we hold ourselves back from being able to establish healthy relationships with someone of the opposite sex? Instead of asking what’s wrong with the men and women you come across, how often do you look within yourself and your own issues as the root problem?


MarvelousMarzo said...

This post basically echoes Katt William's take on "ain't shit niggas"... What about YOU attracts ain't shit niggas (femal/male). You get what you put out there!

Anonymous said...

I think everyone that comes in your life is a mirror reflection of a layer of who you are. Also I believe that a "men ain't shit" attitude works on the side of law of attraction...and if you think that thats what you get Just like the person above me said. We've created this battle in society about whose right and whose wrong when it's not really about understanding each other, it's about cohabilitation and accepting differences.

Anonymous said...

I think we should keep it real; it’s hard to find a quality person to be in a relationship with. To me that’s where the whole men vs. women debate comes from. When guys say it’s hard to find a quality girl, I don’t argue with them, it’s true. And I ask not to disagree with when I say it’s hard to find a good man, believe me, it is! So I disagree with the assertion that there’s nothing wrong with the men or women a person dates, there must be something wrong with them.

Basically we’re all just wounded souls trying to find someone to connect with. We are the ‘me’ generation, and that’s all we’re consumed with, ourselves and our own satisfaction. So we just go around hurting each other, messing up each other for the next relationship.

Supastarrr said...

love this post. my female friends are always doggin men but if they find the same problems
in every man they come in contact w|, the real problem has got to be them.
It's mainly heart broken people that go around
spreading these lies.

Anonymous said...

i absolutely love this! this is so true. so many times my friends complain that the issues in their relationships are because the other person has issues, but no one is taking the time to self-reflect and think about what issues they themselves brought to the table.
there are men out there with single tracked minds, but there are also women out there with single tracked minds, who don't have it all together, and use men in relationships.
i agree that it's mainly the brokenhearted pushing these lies around. it's unfortunate that one person can mess it up or any one that may come along after.. but it should no longer be man vs. woman but man(woman) vs. self in order to realize what the root of the issues are so that he/she can have healthy relationships.

Anonymous said...

I agree most with what Birdie said...
I don't think it should be a Men VS. Female battle. I just think that good males and females are both hard to find. I know a few good men who I get sad every time they are treated dirty. I also know many good woman who get dogged out as well. My personal belief is that everyone should have a relationship with themselves before they have a relationship with others. This way a relationship can complement you instead of complicate your life. Not to self promote but my blog has an interesting article from one of my friends (A good woman) on her new perspective on men: .. Maybe there are too many scorn lovers out there. Who knows.

Dub said...

thanks Superstarrrr and Marzo

Chymere--I agree with accepting differences, I believe relationships are only as successful as the two people are forgiving

Birdie--good point, nobody is perfect by any means, which goes back to the point the Chymere made. Not to say that you have to let someone walk over you, because you just can't force something that's not gonna happen

.cris.--that's what my aim was...are people doing self-reflection nowadays

livelaughbreathe--Although I wrote this post after reading your article, I didn't preface it because I didn't want you to think I was taking shots at your guest blogger. everyone check out the post, btw!

Thanks for the insight everyone

Marie said...

I agree w. you when you say its a self-fulfilling prophecy. We enter relationships w. that mentality & at times its the reason why things dont work out. Our partner either leaves because they cant/wont put up w. the constant accusations/mistreatment or they go ahead & cheat cuz they feel like they might as well give you something to be upset about. Either way, it doesnt last. I think we need to just open up more. Yea your last dude/girl was an ass or didnt treat you as well as they should have but that doesnt mean the next person will do the same. You gotta treat folks as they show you they deserve to be treated. If someone hasnt lied to you up to this point, stop assuming they are going to.
Speaking from personal experience, in the past ive held myself back quite a lot when it comes to relationships. I wouldnt trust anyone, i would question everything and i would approach every relationship as if i was still dealing w. the person i was previously involved w. Its not healthy. If you do it enough you wont know how to approach situations w. the opposite sex & your relationships wont make it far.
As ive matured & seen how damaging my past behavior has been & the ways it has affected me as a person (meaning the stress of questioning everything & constantly preparing myself for something to go wrong etc etc. its an unnecessary burden.), i've realized that its hurt me more than it has helped me. Im off that "all men are dogs" hoopla & im giving folks chances. Yea that means i just may get hurt but thats part of life & love & all that jazz. Throw some good energy out there & you just may get it back. I also agree w. livelaughbreathe's point that we all should have a relationship w. ourselves prior to entering one w. someone else. It helps to know what you want and where youre tryna go & since it has been said that we are attracted to people who are similar to us, there really shouldnt be a problem..

J Roc the Muzik said...

You are about to be preaching boy! Talk about it!

*fans Trey off a few times*

This is some real talk and I appreciate that there has been a forum/blog created where it is talked about, rather than yelled about, by adults. The issue is, as stated before, self-reflexivity. I will get exactly what I put in and show forth. It is similar to a transaction at a bank, you can not look to withdraw more than you put the same vein, one cannot possibly look for quality when they, themselves, are *acting* two levels above the trash that they antagonize.

~J Roc

Dub said...

preciate'cha homie!

Don't watch me, w-w-watch my feet....