"One man's trash is another's treasure"

So, I was perusing the net, searching for things to add to my birthday wish-list and I came across these sneakers:

Nike Dunk High QK Vintage $109.99

Nike LDV Vintage $79.99

Nike Vandal High Supreme Vintage $84.99

Apparently Nike's new hustle is making sneakers with off-white soles and calling them "vintage". Uhm, 'scuse me Mr. Nike, sir, but what in Sanford and Son's junkyard is this nonsense? I can't wrap my size-XL mind around none of this. These shoes are brand-spanking new, still equipped with the fresh-out-of-the-Guatemalan-sweat-shop smell and everything. However, they have the appearance of some ol' beat up gym sneakers.

Nike this is so not becoming of you. And needless to say, these will not be making my B-day wish list. But I know one of y'all can't wait to get your hands on a pair of these beauties and being the opportunist that I am, I got just what you need. So, I dug in my closet and pulled out these for some lucky buyer who wants this "vintage" look for a more affordable price.

Nike Yardwork Vintage $25.00

Don't even front like these jawns not sexy! And they goin' for 25 bucks? That's 100 less than the competitors, I'm just sayin'. Shoot, you better hop on it fast because when I put 'em on Ebay under "vintage Nikes" it's a done deal. You hear me?! CHEA!