Interracial Dating

Apr 1, 2009

I was in a group meeting the other day having a mini-discussion about relationships and such, and a girl made the comment that black men who date white women are weak. Needless to say, my jaw dropped alllllll the way to the floor. At first, I just wanted to blurt out anything in the defense of all black males around the world, but only rude things came to my mind, i.e. "cause black women full of drama". Anywho, I refrained because my girlfriend is nothing shy of incredible so I would be doing her a disservice by making a blanket statement dissing all black females.

Sooooo, I took some time and thought about the situation and here are my reasons as to why black males date white women. I tried to keep it 100/thorough as possible. This list consists of obvious qualities that white women possess, but it does not mean that black women do not possess these same qualities--they just might not be as prominent or as common:

  1. Race does not matter to most males. Things such as religious preference and economic status are much stronger limiting factors. A lot of us are less discriminatory when it comes to frivolous things like race, because if a girl is pretty--she is pretty. Regardless...
  2. Opposites attract. Obviously, a black male and a white female are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Therefore, she is going to expose a black man to things that he normally would not experience alone or with a black woman (music, leisure activities, etc.).
  3. Generally speaking, white women are always perky and positive. Now sometimes, it can be a slight overkill, but happiness is contagious and can make you feel good on your worse days.
  4. White women have fewer inhibitions. They don't have a problem with things such as casual sex and guys flock to that. I feel like some black women do not mind gettin' it in with no strings attached, but they are more inclined to put up a front first to insure they do not slander their reputation or appear whore-ish.
  5. White women are active as heck and take pride in staying in shape. Now this is NOT to be confused with keeping up appearance, because black women don't play when it comes to gettin' fly. But staying in shape and being presentable are two different things.
  6. White women spoil their men. I like gifts, too. LOL. I know this seems wrong, superficial, or what have you...but this is my blog so what are you going to do.
In my defense, the list above is not mutually exclusive. Women, regardless of race, are very versatile and bring a lot to the table. And while I date a black women and consider myself very happy...I would expect to have the freedom of choice without having to worry about being considered weak by black women. In my opinion, black women constantly shun black males away with statements like "niggas ain't sh*t" but in the same breath, they'll be bitter towards that same black male for selling out and dating outside of his race.

-Ladies, what do you think about a black male who dates outside of his race?
-Fellas, why do you date outside of your race, or find white women attractive?


Anonymous said...

yea u right...but as a woman i always think about history. and i know deep in my heart that no one can override what society has ingrained. it takes a lot of effort & one must actively ensure that they dont say what they heard or even felt at one point in their lives. inter racial dating will always be an issue until everyone has became brown and then it will be something else that divides us. personally having a father that came up during civil rights hearing that POV & having an uncle married to a white woman & watching that struggle b/c their grandparents disown their own grandkids in 2009 makes me see it differently. our generation is so liberal and go w/ the flow that we miss facts and don't understand how deep the issue is (granted the girls comment was stupid the way it was worded but I see where she was going w/ it).u must know what ure taking on when going into such a union. society still doesn't think black men are good enough for white women unless u're making enough paper to support them. u go to UNC... u see it daily. and black women... we're too dominant, too this or too that but how many have had a reliable & stable environment that fosters the things that ur girl friend possesses? it's survival & stepping up and it's hard to stop something that has been going on for years. can you blame women of color for feeling the way they do? someone said u can identify how a society is doing looking at how they value their women & how women value themselves and that is across the board. so, i don't think any man can ever identify w/ how a woman of color feels as much so as how we can not fully relate to some of the things men are faced with. we are not post race & a lot of issues that we faced years ago are still present. we are not post race and def have not arrived esp since the black family is still in shambles and it will be that way until we stop pointing the finger & giving up on one another. niccas aint sh*t just like b*tches ain't sh*t. guys do/ say the SAME thing. so that's not EVEN a vaild point. lol sorry

Anonymous said...

I for one do not have a problem with inter-racial dating. First off, who am I to judge someone else's preferences. It's like me disliking people that prefer chocolate ice cream over vanilla. There decisions and choices are not going to affect me in one way or another. I hate when people say, that white women are taking all the good black men. Umm...sweetheart evidently you weren't serving up what he wanted in the first place, so check yourself. What kind of men are you attracting or rejecting. Love is blind, as soon as we open our own minds and give all people a chance, than we can stop have ridiculous conversations about what color people are, and start judging character which is what ultimately matters?! I think people that choose to date outside of their race are pretty fascinating, I don't think I would be able to put up with nearly as much scrutiny as they deal with on a daily basis, between looks, glares, and open criticism. To each his own.

Deandra said...

I do not take issue with interracial dating under any circumstance, however I do think that it has become somewhat of a "Fad" and that some ppl just do it to say they have. For others it just happens because ppl are attracted to who they are attracted to and nothing can really change that. My brother has never dated a black woman to this day and he is 27 years old. He has also gone on to have two mixed children, which is a whole other issue in itself. Why? I have never really asked, but it doesn't make me think that his perception of black women is bad nor does it affect my opinion of him as a black man simply because he dates white women. Black men with white women weak? He's far from it and if he be weak then, so shall I be; a black woman attracted to ALL races of men. I see something attractive in men no matter the race. Granted I go through phases where I think one group may be collectively more attractive than the other, but overall men are men and if they look good, then they look good. Having been exposed to individuals from plethora of ethnic backgrounds and thus I am quite comfortable with expressing my likeness for any man in any race. My first boyfriend was a Puerto Rican and Italian mix and everything was "honky-dory" lol. My relationship is proof that love knows no color and one is limiting themselves if they put boundaries such as race on there dating preferences. Think outside the box ^_^.

Anonymous said...

A few years ago if you would have asked me this question I prob' would have answered this question in about three different ways ( due to immaturity,insecurities, listening to people that I had no business listening 2). One answer being that I had a slight problem with it then because I had a huge crush on a guy who dated a white girl. Nothing was wrong with the girl, she just happened to date the guy that I wanted. Actually she turned out to be nice...not that we were friends or anything, I just always heard decent things about her. Anyways to answer the question....I dont think that there is anything wrong with dating outside of your race. If someone makes you happy then by all means do you. Im pretty sure most people would prefer everyone to date someone from their own race but the last time I checked there was no color code for love. Women should not worry about what other men are doing and who they are dating because its none of their business. Most of the women walking around here talking about guys dating outside their race and talking about men aint shit is prob' full of shit themselves and they prob' had a man but he left her because she was so damn insecure. Any woman who is secure with herself does not give a flying f'k about what color girl some nigga is dating, because at the end of the day she knows what she has to offer to a man and no woman of any race can change that. If your a good woman then your a good woman, some black guy dating a white woman will not change that. Maybe you just havent found the right man for you yet! The only time I do have a problem with interracial dating is when the black guy tries to put down the black women like they aint about nothing. Not all black women are ghetto, dramatic, clingy, jealous...etc. Maybe its just something about you that attracts that kind of "black" woman. The same thing for women too, not all black men are cheaters, unreliable, users...yada yada. There happens to be a few good brothers out there on the map. At the end of the day interracial dating will always be an issue because there will always be at least one individual that thinks with a closed and one-way track mindset. Im just glad that I see things differently now and im not the ignorant chick walkin' talkin' about black guys n white girls. Not saying that the issue doesnt come up in conversation anymore, I just have a different point of view now.

Im not done but....Well i am going to shut-up now....hope you enjoyed the comment!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I cant help myself....I just have a little more to say. I read what the girl wrote earlier talking about history. I understand exactly what was being said about history but I think people use our African American history as an excuse for some of the problems today because they are 2 ignorant or stubborn to deal with the real issues of what happens in our society "TODAY"! Yes back then interracial dating was a big issue but last time I check this was 2009. People get so caught up in how things use to be that they forget about the present. Your taught about things in the past so that you can "LEARN" the truth about what really happened all those years ago, they did not teach us these things so we could use them as an excuse in our life when things dont go the way we planned. Yes, racism still exists...hatred and all those other things but the difference between now and then is that we have equal rights and we can speak on all these things that affect us or bother us in society. Instead of us using our voices to make a change, we always bring up the PAST. We cant do a damn thing about the past, our ancestors lost their lives and went through those things so that we could live better lives. We cant enjoy our freedom because we get so caught up in how things use to be. With all that being the past, it was against the law to marry outside your race (at least it was a huge problem)>>>> now we can date whom ever we want to footloose and fancy free!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I am black female and I like to treat my boyfriends with "treats" like food and chill nights. I also keep my self up because I want to look good for myself. I have certain insecurities but doesnt almost every woman. I choose to keep them under control and not be the raging "bitch" that most black women are supposed to be.

I also think that this is funny that you said that black women say niggas aint shit, but almost every man who says that if he has a daughter he will tell her the same.

Trey "Dub" Washington said...

So, I'm reading through all of these posts...slowly, but surely...and I think a lot of y'all are missing the point that I am trying to make.

By no way is this post a passive attempt at downing black females. I'm surrounded by a LOT of good black women and if I really wanted to do that then I would have been straight forward because that's the purpose of a blog.

What I want to know is why do black women down black males for dating white women...shoot, down black males period.

Women don't say "niggas ain't sh*t" all the time? Keep it real.....
.....there are plenty of good, Christian, well-driven, heterosexual, respectful males out there that get overlooked.

Don't watch me, w-w-watch my feet....